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A Muggle’s Mistake
I thought Allstate Insurance signed their commercials off with the slogan: That’s Allstate, Stan. I wasn’t sure who Stan was, or why Allstate’s spokesperson, Dennis Haysbert, was so determined to...
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Wax Off
Last week a salon staff member stood outside her new facility and handed me a card for a free wax, completely unaware that this promotion would send me into a spiral of self examination. I had to ask...
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Tuning Fork You
The address for the insurance-approved massage therapist was a residential home. As I pulled into the driveway, not two minutes before our appointment, the therapist knelt in the garden outside her...
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Anxieties of a New Author
What if my book totally bombs? What if I become so famous I lose sight of what’s important in life? (Ha!) What if my family feels obligated to buy the book? What if they don’t? What if nobody shows up...
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Paris’s Finest
We’d schlepped thirteen miles from one side of Paris to the outskirts on the other end, and the Tour de France by foot transformed us into les miserables. We’d walked that far partially because my...
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Call For Submission. Singular.
This is what it feels like to read some call for submissions. Or job postings. Or scholarship or grant descriptions. Association of Astrological Writers and “Readers” An award is given annually for a...
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On Losing My Starbucks Gold Card Status
The news was delivered over email. Not face to face, or even by phone. Over email. They may as well have texted. Starbucks demoted my Gold Card to a Green Badge. I’d been a Gold Card Member for nearly...
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Stomping My Ego: And Other Favorite Pastimes Of A Certain Bookstore Owner
The bookstore was an unchartered trove of literature, old and new. From classics to contemporary picks, books were piled on tables, filed in a maze of shelves, and stuffed into enough nooks and...
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Valentine’s Day Book Giveaway!
This Valentine’s Day, cupid will load his bow with a signed copy of I Thought We Agreed to Pee in the Ocean and aim it at some lucky reader out there. The humor collection was called, “Fiercely...
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Finding Myself On Buzzfeed
We’ve learned so much in 2014. We learned that Russia has a city that sounds like the name of a blonde telepathic waitress and vampire lover. We learned that Patrick Stewart is gay, and then we...
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Cut Down To Size
Happy New Year, cybersphere! I hope your last moments of 2014 were joyful. After I shot the champagne cork across the room and emptied half the bottle on the apartment floor (apparently I don’t know...
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The Public Cupping
My husband and I just spent a week in Texas, and while the experience lived up to some of my expectations of the Lone Star state (delicious Tex-mex, awesome live music, and hordes of young...
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Are Doctors Just Sweet Talking Us?
Some women have terrible taste in men. I know– I used to be one of those women. Then I married a perfectly lovely man, and that must have thrown the universe off-balance. It’s since righted itself; I...
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Graduation Swan Song: An Ode to Long Island
After five years of yearning, hoping, praying, and begging, we are finally wiggling free from the acrylic-tipped grasp of Long Island. And as we gear up for our next adventure, this time in the north...
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Why Tina Fey Should Be The New Face Of The Twenty-Dollar Bill
There are rumblings over Andrew Jackson’s impending termination as the face of our twenty-dollar bill, and I don’t blame America. I mean, as another Jackson so astutely questioned—what has he done for...
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The Killer Lambs: And Other Norwegian Truths
When we arrived in Norway, nobody told us to beware of the sheep. The fjord region of Norway is a magical land; a combination of Ireland’s rolling green hills, Switzerland’s picturesque red houses,...
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Why I Refuse To Get A Smartphone
At a bachelorette party earlier this year, I pulled out my mobile device: a hunk of a Verizon LG Cosmos slide dumb-phone with a two-inch display and a single megapixel camera. (Eat your heart out,...
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